There are no other orders_ than to think of yourself.
I feel I can say that because without caution_ I invent.
The other side of this _ is I don't know why_ I have to fall-over.
This has been my plan for all of the day_that is left.
Where in the world is the end of the reunion of slim chances?
My purpose is not to gain the evidence of this existence.
We have a problem. Can't move our kid off the dime.
We ain't moving the mountain over to him.
Listening to my wife _Try to understand why... it is all_Down.
There seems to be no hope for him_ he is Lost. Playing.
Playing_is that beautiful place_where he has to go.
All he wants to do is play war/crap. Drag his heels.
I am dying in here, because I don't want/to do his work.
Crap is not moving up hill. Not even his. It makes me sick.
Hey Dude!, What the hell are you doing?
This ain't going_ to go down. It is. Not. Swell!
Let 's live like pigs, because we'll have to drink this swill.
Poisoned heart attack of the deadmen's quest. No chest.
The dire treasure of the lost soul's empire. Dire diaries
We'll die by the time we see this change. Who!
Will we stand for this? No, We'll go on by.
The time is here. But!
So, I don't know why_ I am saying this.
A hard discussion ensued. Noisome quarreling
And now the sister's report to my wife's closest sibling.
She is ranting and raving. My wife, my wife, my wife.
She is burning a hot one for our two boys, who haven't grown up.
Mad attack of a_" no friend of the court of suspense." Living?
Not worth anything to them. They have all_ that they need.
The toys of this disease. Both work, good jobs_What!
Yes! Weighs of success? I'm going to get off the phone.
My wife is a spear and a spine and her hurts_ so bad.
She is crying over this. This is very deep.
These are her side of our equation. Her boys.
I put in my effort to afford them this opportunity,
as much as she has, and we are at a standstill.
The time to strike the iron is now. A house to build.
We must toast the bun and cook the burger. Eat!
Of this we do commend a prayer each night_
For them _who do not know their worth.
Guys, We think_ You are just late, so we will waite.
For at least another night and we will see this done.
As soon as we commiserate together about what is_
Ahead_There is just one big obstacle and that is_
The head of the older one, who is the golden boy, who was_
Once upon time so full of hope. Now! All he does is make_
Big Wup! Yup! Head'n out now and feeling_What happened here is about life from the ground up. I wanted something.
Don't know what, but I know I was dissapointed again.
The big meet-up was today, and it just didnt go that way.
Wife showed, and he wasn't there and she is just _CRY!
All of that_ Inconsolable. Strange. Wish God was here...
If you want it...Come and get it Ouch! Big Ouch!
I am so late, and yet I know I am giving birth.
I feel pregnant with the words of the Life.
In these lines is a real life desperately in love_
With the connective glue of memories and time.
I feel the savage response of coming unglued. I will not.
This boat will not arrive without the plan. My Lord.
Is willing our circumnavigation of the sum of "All our Fears."
See_ There is that circular thing. It is coming thru.
The trust in the love of the truth.What began has begun again.
I am in the life of the river running past the way I came.
I know the math of circumstance. Inevitably, We choose.
Love them for what they do and find a way to reach the conclusion of what-It is the Lord presents_ for their edification.
They may not have the resolution to find the dimensional door of what lies ahead.
There is always more than what appears to be the easy answer.
I am all for learning and now that I am here. Where is my joy?
I love this life, and I breathe the wonder of just being_
On the understandable divide of the heaven and the hell of
Dividing our institutions into divides of what is and what is not.
Munificent elders of the clan_ I am knowing this mechanical device of lights and spheres has gone way past go_
And I know I don't know anything, but can I just get out of here Without losing my life to the fog of thinking_ I get why I am here.
Right now! I have no idea. Results at eleven.
The campaign goes on, and I am at rest.
Breathing life in, and breathing life out. Life Is!
What's more beautiful, than what is truly practical.
The light of the wonder of hope and ideals.
Truth structures_ Love in evidence of pursuits.
As Souls unwind. I am just this _ so Hu_man 'man'.
I didn't know I would try again tonight. To_
Objectify the Light of Existence.
I wanted to see Something _Hopeful.
Sometimes, that is....
++++++++ +++++ ++++++
The brittle sights of Life's exigencies.
Sometimes that is _ All that there Is.
TTR 5/2008
|
is to use our ego to find an identifiable
existence of our own mystery.
Life exists without fanfare, without our
acknowledgment on a spiritual level within
us all, on a daily basis.
Our offspring are there, they pass through,
they bring joy, heartbreak, but they are not us.
We can only hope to bring them half the joy they have
already brought us, by the simple act of their birth.
I love to say, "I love you" in passing, and hope it
brings them joy, when life gets hard to handle, my simple
egg sandwich to a hungry son, upon awakening, perhaps,
will give him joy, when he is old, and there is no one to
offer such but himself.
Spoiling is part of parenting, part of the joy of the role.
So, is the return, in their being a part of the pie.
"Objectify the life of existence", is only the ego side of
the adult brain, the child side does not need to give credence.
The mystery is in the magic of a tea spoon full of honey.
n.
Because, it is late, I will probably forget what I am saying and not even come close to the depth of the feelings I have for the process of what it is we endeavor to do...Here. Your comment gave me pause, when I first read it. It said something very deeply to the depth of my being.
I don't know if I can recover that time and place. But here, I will try. I could keep putting it off. It's like this___ I usually end up writing something as a takeoff on something that is not really relevant to the present state of things. Somewhat abstract or odd and serious and spiritually endeavoring to climb up the mountain from the land in the clouds.
My mind is not trained by a professional artistic literary review of doctoral pastorates. I am from the rough streets of the somewhat odd assemblance of garage sale and ancient artifacts. Best of all, I say I don't care, when I am called to task. So by your leave, my lady, I am so happy, that in your review of my thrashing, you caught the conflict of my heart. When reality takes the heart away, only the cold hard facts remain.
Before I came here, I was not writing for other's eyes. Like it or not, this is real, You may be seen, and in all likelyhood, you are. If you have any semblance of self-esteem, one doesn't want to be seen as a dolt. My only criteria, so far, is that I maintain an inner integrity, which guides me to move the force of my nature forward. I am looking for and seeking God inside the life of me, and in everyone I meet. As in_I love you. Seeking to say_Love is what this life is about. It is what we must see and say, even when it is the last thing, seemingly in evidence.
If I am an ego-centric, being....It has not afforded me advantage. We are all_ ego and Light...balancing things. I take your point about our children. We have, and I, myself, remain true to the edict of 'what was the question?
I do not have the answers for my kids. Four step children and two of my own, but loved everyone and now we are in the midst of a project, because we have a wounded bird, that doesn't want to leave the cyber nest of _what the hell is it worth living for. He works and lives to play war. Struggling. Where's that love...Reasoning? mister.
Tonight, my wife and I were not attuned. She said a few hurtful things about my approach. Did I mention...I returned the volley. It was mentioned that I waste my time doing this, but this is my real life...Right!.
I love_ n.lynn...That you have always given me a fair hearing. If I sound_off. It is allright.
Don't worry about us... We are all patched up.
I enjoyed your story about the preparations for the charity event and always the dogs and kids and the home and where you are from, and now it is Spring. I am very much rooting for everything that comes your way. Good life and that picture is the one I always see in my mind's eye when I write to you.
So thanks again for taking the time. It was lovely what you wrote. I was working at writng in the noise of my psychic pain. I really didn't care about anyone else reading it. I was and am somewhat disappointed with our boy,27, but my wife is calming down and now it will go to the back burner on a slow burn.
I have talked to two builders, and so things will begin to bend. Now it is time to sleep. All day tomorrow, busy bees. rain and sun. Have a lovely weekend. And give your family my best, and thank them for allowing you to write/ Sharing your soul.
Your friend_TR
Happy Mother's Day to your wife, and thank her for allowing you to share your gift of thought to those in need, like me.
hugs,
n.
He was going to marry my wife's sister at one time, but it all went down in flames. He's an old family friend of my wife's, that I just like very much, so it was great to see ol' Paul. He is a bit of a hippie, who married once, a long time ago. I feel contrived and I don't write drunk. I am not really drunk, but being tired and having some Belgium beer is too much for my constituton.
So if I were wise _ I would exit stage west. The only here_ Here _ is yawning and holding his head. I am done. I wanted to do something_ more than this, but to be true. This is probably more real than I might pretend. So I will go, and you know...it is alright. I shall return. No excuses, just one of those things. Rusty
luv ya,
n.
as Hu Man man is not I(is)land
and an evolution (Heartfelt)
seemingly arid, cracked open droughtful...
is but o'erflownin', spring-fed hopes...
newfound tendrils reach from outside(in).
with love to you,
lulu
feel what we have found. Our lives are our source, but we are inventing the extention of that art_that gives us life. Love derived, love explained. L-O-V-E realized. meluv ya _ tr day-toon.
I have been to your place to re-read again... your posts and followed them to their origin. Those are some really nice ...beautiful pics and they are art and they are you and you have a beautiful dream of life in the better world. I am recognizing your contribution...your path.
Beautiful TR See you soon
I wanted to see Something _Hopeful.
TR -- Your beautiful comment to me on Much Ado last night became the sunlight of existence for me today and made me hopeful. Like you, I wish God were here, every day. But friends have each other when they can't have God, and maybe in that way, we all have God. I can see from the comments here that you have found many good friends. Let that give you hope.
Experience and practice are the best teacher. Look how far you have come, brother John. It is not selfishness...It is reality. We do the best that we can, and if one's children can not learn to observe and self protect, they will certainly make there own brand of mistake. Even if we do everything right, everything does not always go as planned. We do our best.
I wish our daughter would engender less disdain for her fellow journey-ers, including her parents. She is very bright, but sensitivity
is not always evident. She has a week's "groundation" for her most recent slip of the lip and the manner in which it was delivered. Initially, it was painful,"the whining", but she has settled into no phone or computer and no friends_ for a week_ on the last week of school and the week of her ballet school performances.
Life is a bummer sometimes. She'll live. As to you, sir; I'm always getting back late. Want to write, but can't sometimes. Chin up ol' bean. Your a wonderful dad. You are so real and one day your boys will recognize you as the truth_ about you, and they know already what they can't admit.
You are their Dad_ for real. And they love you. Of that I am sure.Happy Father's Day.TR
You're certainly not alone in your angst.
Best of luck with the boys/men.
And remember, they are a "part" of your life, but they are not your "life". You can do this.