Begging your favor, I am determined to look beyond the curtain.
Where else can I find the intuition to see my way?
Perhaps there is a door in the floor _over there!
I wonder, might I take a look at your chest 'of drawers'.
As far as I can tell , we are alone, but I am distracted.
I must consider the children, when I speak about such things.
" I am a man of constant sorrows", laying it out_ on the floor.
That might have been Miss J. Baez. Pish-Posh! Definitely is!
Nope, It is music from 'Cadiz', most definitely is, not from dream- time.
It is the totemic word structure of one of our great early century
singer song-writers.
Smugglers of faith and family and struggle. Covering the ground ahead
Mountain men coming down to the protracted wars of debt.
At the edge of the fiery lake, there is a cool wind, but
I am looking for the dark dreamy center.
'Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker'
Give the tribe it's voice_Wonderland_ would be...De-Lovely!
Another sweet trade of the tongue for the drum.
The still_ quick step beating of the inner drum.
Ka-bong, Ka-Bing, Ka-Boom, and Rat-a-tat-tat, too!
Where are you_ across the fleeting streets of time?
I am in here on the fleet side of the 'Stream'.
In the underground grotto, by the falls.
Above me, I can see sky and endless waves of sea.
I think I am looking down,... either that, or I am upside down,
And looking through the well-side under.
At the bottom of the earth_In another season.
Far from this frozen earth. Our refrigerator Spring.
Still, no matter, my birth, my death, and my supplying ,
all came down to being here__Unprepared, actually...
For in every eventuality, there is a question_
What is going on here?__For Now...I am not distracted.
I am not subtracted, protracted, or even un-divided.
In addition to this first time opportunity, I am venturing_
Forthe,... Into the music of the spheres. Adventure!
Some do_Some don't, but what the heck. Can't let you go.
I hope you can_laugh with me.
It is not a fault of my own, that I think a worthwhile tone is told,
in time to lead these faculties to their intent. A breath mint_
Ssssmarts! Sssspells! Abounding! Sweet tarts_ telling tales!
Obnoxious overtones from the over-toad,.... swelling....
Better now, I stepped away and became another 'verge' on the edge. So.....
When I am here with you, I desire___ to suspend the pretention_
Of what was here, when last we met. I have no fear, no loss_
No suspension of belief in the resolute flower of this age.
The over-age of finally becoming the result of all these years.
The micro-proportioned tiers of pretention and lameness.
The wondering of what kind of pastry farts I'll blow if I keep on trying to be a real proportion of the cake at hand.
'MacArthur Park' _ ol'friend_sing it_'Suspend & Breathe'_ 'lightly'_
Feathering the moments of suspension,...Where?
Do I move forward thru this thick air....'No Pretend'
I am fathering my first flight. I am getting out of here!
This started with a prayer un-said...I came to the fountain and froze, again, but no!/know, I am on the edge of the beautiful flight of years running in sequence and serial _Us-ual-ity. Comprehend.
Usual - Is the right way_if you've done your home-work.
Works at Home_Practice! Is!
Customary, in accordance with the rules, the road ahead lies_
Forward of 'Here and Now'...Let's not Pretend...I am speaking
Thru the wig, that lays on my head. My hair-suit and skin.
I am thinking I am younger, than I am, I am daring life. Begin!
To go where I have not been before, eyes wide-open to the epic atmospheres_I chill my throat with words of soft lending.
I am not of here, and my now, was behind me, when I began.
Purpose being_I will do everything to get 'at' my personal fear.
Behind me, Satan, Get Thee, Behind me. I will not be blinded.
You had a hell of a roll, but your edge is no mender_ no Heart!
Relax, you won't, but you won't have me, anymore.
I am moving on-up the road. I am an original true desire, Now.
Where else can I be, but here. It was made for 'me'.
Now, that I am in control....I have my edge and my view.
You came to say...It can happen...Here.
What would my wife say, if she heard me speak.
So before, I end,...before I can say, that is all. I am basically_
Sure_There is air in here and I am breathing. I ate tonight.
I rested over those snowy days, I worked in the garden, I talked on the phone, I went to work. I know I told myself_ I love my life, but I also had some negative thoughts, so why this here, these thoughts
now. Giving myself...a pass...I accept...'the edge of wonder'
Before I go, I wanted to relate a dream I had the other night.
Actually, it was a nap after work dream, and it was a flyer.
It is very complex, but in short_ I was flying a small single engine plane, from before modern day avionics and flight controls.
A between the wars 'wing' that was not modern in any way.
It was as if God had carved a plane out of a tree. Somehow the wind and my mind made it work. We took off in the storm and it rode into the sky, and in front of me was a small 'boy'_by my feet. He had his hands on the controls. It was not a wheel or a stick. This was a password kind of thing...like what is the next thing to go wrong or how do I keep making the right choices. ...'to keep this thing-up in the air'. Just trusting the way_It is. That was! IT!
The completed act of being here now, and then I realised the boy was me.
Crazy, but I thought the me, 'I was'_ thinking 'I was', was
the one flying the plane. But let's _not pretend.
I don't fly planes, and 'now in the dream'_ it was after dark and there was only wind holding us up. The forces of the darkening sky were forcing us_ about. There was a battle for control _in the sky. I could not hear a word of command, but then I wasn't scared, and then I thought,
I saw the edge of the shelf, and my thoughts fell to the floor, and I woke.
Myself awake, I saw a way to spell the binding of fear. Let it go!
I am awake, and without forgetting, I am edging over__ into
'What it is_ I came here to do'. So!
_______________________________________________
'MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, No! '
________________________________Jim Webb
3/31/08 TR
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Your writing always inspires, makes for desires, and gives pleasure in a capsule. I appreciate what you spell out as you wend your way through from one thought to another and always with hope...yes, hope is all there is.
Veritee
That piece last night was to get me started again. I had lost my way.
Not that I am found, but you are right...I am still wending and that is alright for now. Aaand I do appreciate the comments...you have made to me.
I love the social aspect of blogging, but I really don't have time to develop the connections, but I have made a few that mean so much. You are a part of that I tell you, because you get me. And I get why you feel the way you do about your son, and I don't know that I would ever be able to go through that. Haven't yet. Lost a brother_ young.
Other losses yes and wwwe move on,but I will drop by and explain myself more, if you have the time. Goood to see you on. I read your last post before sending this. That was a sensitive man...to discern...the gift. Perfect moment..for you.
Gotta run...taking daughter to dance bye TR
In brief...I think I am finding my voice and it as you said...coming from everywhere and I think I am finally getting a handle on the dimensions of this craft and I am finding real comfort and strength from the "trying," and the "will to succeed, as just the being of the there,_that is there."
It is a commodius space and I am happy that we share the air of this place that we flow from. It is rare to trust someone as well as I do you. I am hiding in plain sight a plan of me that is becoming framed and fractaled. It is exciting to be and to become as the air flows through the veins of the instrument. Each cast brings up variable wings and the flow of the forces of Spring fall forward and win my place as a timekeeper of this place called home. I am approaching certitude..and best of all...I am performing all of my normal functions, such as real life.
Just this_for now...must go, but I am honored, that you read it to your son. For in the end ...John...I would like to write things that could talk to our young men and women and get their hearts to see what took me years to believe. I am no special one...I am only me, but see as I say this ...I know of the wondering and the wandering and the reason to survive, and the value of hope and life. The survival of our greatest axcomplishments are going to bring us to the resolution of love in this life.
Now, I must take out the trash and re-cycling and start the dishwasher, and take the clothes out of the dryer and wonder what we will say tomorrow. Ain't life Grand!. Thanks, John. Smiley!, not yet teary. That was sweet. Over and out...TR
Best of luck to all of us. Hoping to contribute thoughtful persuasions of time and place. TR.
Maybe I can send from e-mail. Let's see. If not please re-post. I hit the wrong pin/button/thingy. Out,no,In
and what did I find way up high upon
a sky so filled with billious gray clouds...
A thinker, a tinker, an everyday man, a man, a man...
So, what is this tinker?
This everyday thinker?
He is a joy, he is a breath of fresh air, he is
a man, a man, a man.
Open our thoughts as you open your own, expand
our view as you do your own,
we all may grow, along with you,
thank you gentle man.
You are braver then you know,
opening up your soul.
Listen to the wolf that calls,
he sits in close watch of us all.
n.
You have just inspired me to write again.
I love you for that, and then the ...pen
Blew and flew and went out and through the end of the 'wall'
Came down here to be not just another ...One
I really mean_ what I say. You got it, so well.
This page is not yet_out of print. Defend the well.
I am just the other one, who knows no other way.
This door that opened, then is closed, and then it opened again.
I want to be free. Got a we, got an I, gotta go and cry.
You blow me away, because you are such a friend,
... and appear to know when I need some help.
That was the perfect lesson to wend and weld-
_ on to my machine of silk and skin. Steeling me to bend.
I was really_just at your place,
and not leaving a note,
but reading comments, and feeling hope.
Came over after reading at John's, and not leaving a sign of me.
What is to become of me? The result of trying to balance_
_ the weft and warp of the spin. Out controls, must be in.
Funny there, I had to get up, and turn-off the washing machine,
, so daughter could sleep, and wifey wanted 'Medium' on tv.
You woke with a start from a crash on the couch.
I am stealing a few moments before bed.
I'll leave that..Maybe it means something.
Something! This whole week has been a warehouse fire.
Too many things going down, in so many ways.
Hoping Spring will bring brighter sun and warmth.
Can't surrender to the attic of Winter, anymore.
I am unspinning the trial of my mind into skeins_
of different colored yarn, descending into waves
of some kind of low lit sorting pen. Not clear. Results.
Of struggles, I aim for clarity, I haven't found before.
n.lynn, you see my duality. I am what you say, but am I_ close to He.
The art and haste of clarity come in unsuspended dimensions.
Clearly written on the head_Of thoughts to come.
I am in the midst of me and the midst of You and John and every friend through whom we depend_ before bounceback, to go to the there_Of then.
So wrapping up my scratches for this moment, Now_
I would say I have another day and another try_ to get to the side of the door, that holds the thread of my next knack for finding the me,
that measures the wind and searches the heart of the snail for the clouds of dependable health, that rely on trust and hope and love and truth.
I am forever happily knowing_ You are there enjoying the sun and equestrian and holding your life in truth. Your family is your gem. You are doing the great things in this life and it shows. We are so fortunate to have met you on the trail. Thank you always_ for your friendship.TR
p.s. one thing...check out this blog
http://www.shekharkapur.com/blog/ Trust me, n. Yes!