This trap door entered and I lost my introduction, blip all gone. This is an apology for the lost voyage which ended on this page. I came with ideas and was swept off the table and that is okay. I have no idea what disappeared. It really was the best part... of the way this began. I had a serious note to deliver, but it became anything but and I will not wonder if it was not for the best. Gosh it was an amazing rush of words. I wish I could get it back, but this being written just prior to posting is only glue on the page. For a moment I flowed like verse in a prose context. It was artful and fulsome and I have certainly had enough of this audacious journey.

What is there? Was that what is here? It has all that I need for now. I wanted to come back without a wimper or pain. There still is some latitude in my attitude. Forgiveness and acceptance have finally arrived. I am pleasantly surprised. I am not going to even attempt to explain. This is all I have without explaining the missing derivatives of the equation of presenting and retracting and pushing and pulling and getting to the next breath and breathing the context and patrolling the boundaries and preparing for the day when it all comes together and this doesn't need explaination. I will be happy that I made it back. Anyway... I could.

That would not have been the drive of my arrival in times past, but my locus now is of a higher and more defined aurora. It has the halo of light that I ascribe to the breath of the angels of my existence. I am the most ordinary and common soldier in my measure of earth and air and sky.In the midst of all is the watery veil of light that holds my sight.Existence. Like everyman, I work for my day. I have for many years only wandered on and off my track. It has been the sad casual of causality. When something defining would pop up_I would run the opposite way.

In the end it is all for good and this is only a mission statement in the sense, that there is nothing to lose anymore. I am a feeling friendly kind of guy. I have only the best intentions and my attitude is that of a prayer to everyone who is in this life and the wanting of all of our potentials to be melded into heaven on earth, where we can wax poetic and exclaim joy and kiss the earth and jump in the air and declare. I am here... and I think __'This is It'

I just took a break and read through. This writing. This was not my intention. I have been away for a good while and I knew that a few had wondered why... and that I was gone was not any problem. I was here of course, but I was not here in this life of the art of you_ dear reader, wherever you are ...I have the highest regard for anyone who chooses to fathom the fathomings of one who is most humble and believest in the reasonable facsimile of the renderings of each of our breasts as we inculcate our rhythms and thrumb the strings of the heart at the core of our being.

I can't imagine that there is any other reason for being here. I lost my go pod as I read this and now I am doctoring the equation and wondering not about whether it is or it is not. It most certainly is everything I have at this crazy moment in time.

I say who I am even as I try to hide it. This is my place to quest for the interactive organic breathing being that can't type, but will because he can, because he wants to, and now that I am moving again. Let's see where this goes. It has to eventually arrive at a place where I can take a break and relieve my need for the news. I need my daily fix of the worst that life has to surrender. Where are we going when all we relive are the failings and futilities of another day of the major dominating spew speaking gargoyles laying on the crash, the crush and the pain of your fellow voyagers.

I am hooked up and hooked in and I know it is a drug, but I want to know what the driver sees as we drive off the cliff. It is uplifting.
Lots of crazy things going on over here at my place this summer. I had thought I would come back with a piece on the end of summer at the beginning, but I didn't let the downers get me down. I plodded through and my attitude is really a quiet celebration. At my young age, I am finally getting the drift of playing it for laughs. I see the humour in the demise of control. I am no longer renting out space in my brain, except to the daily news, but that is certainly now on the way out, and I will be taking care of that soon, but not tonight.

Only a few minutes to go and it will be time for the six o'clock national bathing in the dirty water of all of our mistakes and transgressions and the supplication of the sycophants of the higher order of breeding and fortune who certainly have our number as they will tell you everytime. They have polled the minions and they speak with the fishes and find out who we are everyday and they go there with a vengeance, because we still buy what they have to sell and how is it that these words can possibly go together, because I have no idea what I just said.

All to the good. I wanted to make a crazy entrance and being a peaceful boy. I want to be happy and do something good. Like get off the stage. This be: Practicing the art of being real.... and I toast one and all for their efforts and their joy and their focus.
We done good. I love you all,TR

Dropping through__ How Big do you think I am?
No Matter, No one Knows me.

Sensational... this is the plan__I don'T have one.

I was thinking, maybe, you would like to know me. I love to be on this side of the full motion golden diadem.

Crackers are not a fruit I'd like to eat.

So, what we have here is a total breakdown or breakthrough.
I'd love to know, Why?

We put ourselves on display. I want to love the world with the love of all of the ways...
In only the ways that are authorized. By you.

I am merely a silly little output magazine of revolving unsorted counter claims.
On this moment's notice__ I could just say, 'Put it away!'

Major breakthrough. I want to have the opening. From within...
The come about___ that always___ has me synchronized with my true feelings.
 
I have the time now....before I go to bed to say something_

From the very bottom of my heart___I wish the world all of my best intentions. My Heart.

I  Am here __not messing around, but this is the only way I have right now.
I give something now, because I want to begin the real life that exists in the real part of my life. Me.

I want to_ not fake my way through the best part of my life.

What's left after you finally realize__ I wasted most of my existence on self-doubt. No doubt!

I gave away the possibility of meeting the best of you__
When I didn't live the best of me. See.

Down deep and not too far away I know where I hang out___There I am.
I am going to be as happy and as helpful as I choose to be.

Open your heart. Feel the gathering love of being on the line with the fine colors of the life within.

How can I claim to be going anywhere?
I just can___even as I know this doesn't have all, or maybe, even a part of just exactly, what I would like this to be___,
But I am claiming a certain extirpated dialogical freedom to say as I am believing this. I hear you,now.

It holds me to the letter I am writing one note at a time.
I am feeling an internal_ eternal music that lies within.
It is not making claims about certitude,
But I am fulfilling the doctrine of being born to live the life I claim.

I want to love the man I am, so I can be certain to reflect to you_ who are here.... the solid and resounding reflection of your own claim to what your heart desires. Peace,Love _Hope.

The logic...anticipation. I desire the way that would have me knowing my life is breathing the whole of my parts to the future that exists as the plan.

Free my way to be real____And holding the whole world to my
breast, I ache to breakthrough. I want to represent the truth of who I am.

''You can't climb, until you're ready to fall"

Where does it end__
For tonight, the life of being
is the breathing and the feeling of being.
This close__ Seeing,
not a plain wrapper existence wrapped in
gauze.
The ephemeral art of believing, what I can bring to the stage.
What that means... is up to me.

I have earned at this late date_ a certain dependence on
the late appeal of who I used to be.
Because it was easy__ I  could continue to live un-resolved and seal my fate__To never get it right,
Revolving and resorting, over and over again.

I am instead challenging my music
to be more than the rest of those
notes I don't want to hear.
Negative energy__just always got in my way.
I embraced the decline. Inertia and guilt.
Fear of pushing the envelope.

So if this could be. The...
Dropping through. the...
Entering in.

Constructing in my mind,
A fortress of Love.
A haven of Hope.
A home for Desire.
A  physical construct of Quality.
An eminence front__
Sounds like an ignoble deed,
But, strength and grace are required to survive.
One must carry their burden___ gracefully.

Here....
I am, merely an actor on the stage of life,
and in this small venue,
I am exposing my waxen wings
to the heat of the day.
Hoping, I survive to take flight
on the 'morrow.

See You then,
Hope I do not offend your Ear.
I am Rust_
Out.

A beautiful plain lying beneath the protective shadow
of a high range of hemlock crowded hills.
The village set there in sunlight.
It's red tile roofs gleaming.

The ocean wrapped itself around the headland.
The waves hurled themselves upon the rocks.

The bed was handmade and the polished cherry gleamed
in the reflected light.
His hands held an onion and a knife.

The car passed by the window.
The curtains shuttered from the breeze.

The park was full of people.
There were lots of voices
and childlike movements.

Bricks are a common shape, but
they can be formed differently.
The sidewalk has cracked from the years
of roots heaving underneath.

She entered the store by the double doors.
Moving across the shining floor, she found quickly__
What she was looking for.

The child's eyes were teary and very open.
Her mother crouched before her, and
wiped the tears away_one by one.

My Grandmother was happy once, but
I never remember her laughing.

What is a safe?
Are banks on the edge of a river or
full of other people's belongings?

I see you across the room, and I don't identify with the feeling.
A letter to Mom and Dad would be a nice gesture.
Would a letter to both be the same?

How do I qualify to enter a course that can help me?
Even as I appear helpless.
I change the two dimes and a nickel for the quarter in my pocket.
The glass wall is full of advertising for beer and cigarettes.

The light changes to red, just as I enter the intersection.
What is content?
When it appears to me__I don't even know why I am here.

Employment or personally requesting the job meet my needs.
I am full of the old ways and beginnings, that can't lose.
I am ending with the same. Truth lies.

I know you live somewhere.
The sand in your shoes tells me you live near the beach.
She went to school, when she was young.
Long before she met her final fate.

How do you feel about the presence of love?
Don't ever quit__not even for a moment.
you can stand at the top of the hill, and
watch the cars one after another_passing.

Describe a life worth imagining.
Mine is for sale.
Wrongly put__I regret to say_
that I am passing on to the other side.

The other side of what?__the page.
The newsprint on his hands is one addiction.
He didn't know he had.

Integration for me is the ability to see life,
as a whole work that enjoys existence.
Together_ I would be more than I am apart.

Part music, part words, part lies, part truth.
Pour in water, add soil and sunlight,
and there stands a moving creature waiting__
for light to fill his bones.
Spirit voicing matter.

Skin on an arm. Part of a body.
Non-integrated wholistic self.
Can't be anyhting else.
Thinking_ as a function.
Reaction to what you want to know.

It is a light shone into darkness.
Eyes are blind, when they see__
everything to be of the same value.
I need to see opposite__ to what I think.

It is what I see__ that isn't seen by me.

Punk_in a word_is style. Yuh!
The word is greek to me.
Nothing means less than zero.

Qualitatively speaking_your hands are lovely
And sensitive__in their holding of my apples.
The grey, green kettle boils excitedly on the vintage stove.
If I said everything in my thoughts is other, than what I wish.
That would not be true. I love it all. Afterall.
Seventeen years, since I became one day.

Today is dark, cloudy and wet.
The mist is wet with cold foregotten
Remembrances of the sea.

Today's format is no different,
than yesterday's or last year's.
My day's are only my own,
if I do somethingI hope to do again.

I am numb, but I am clothed.
My clothes are shredded newsprint and flickering cathode rays.
__from the dark night's viewing.

Nothing there__I see I am addicted to mouth thoughts.
I am mashing toast and buttered sugar between my teeth.
Pledging my_ self  to swallow before the teacher takes away my test.

Waiting for nightfall,  I  turn my back.
Lightbulbs, bare and flickering,  beneath
insulated floor joists_ just above.
Head here__The comfort of not feeling anything.

Integrating traditional concepts of what is real.
I know I am kidding myself__sitting and
fooling with my contrasting aspects and pain.
Pain so bad__There are no tears or shame.

So many unrelated things__some don't even qualify__as things.
Farts are a pleasant noise and
they (may)escape to become
a part of the real world.

More credit needs to be given for endurance
of repressive beliefs.
There is nothing availible now,
that describes__
what has become of reality.

Life may not be an existent course
on the real aspects of what goes wrong,
If  you don't pay attention.

Just commenting__
but I am an interactive bloke, afterall.
The softness of her breast encouraged his heart to let go,
and be with her__his soft light_without.
Politics being inadequate to the caress.

Language__that is not your own.
Who can blame the interpreter.
Don't exist in me.
I won't claim my part,
that was you.

Which is exactly__ my point.
It is time to carry on.
My whole life has been real.
Even the parts I faked.
Can't claim_
I didn't know.

So for all of that,
my seal is,
I now love __
everything_
I didn't claim.

May God bless every memory,
and forgive me
 for my lack of intention.
I am reclaiming,
what I called the death of me.

To know __
That life is real.
Breath of You.

Trust the Rust__Oct,1990

CreationCreationCreation
What a beginning_ I just love... how we make mistakes.
I just love to talk about you.
Only_eternally__internally.
That brain thing _Again!
How about__ how I miss you .
And How I will just die_
If I never hear of your love again.
I miss you more than life.
Who am I to ask? Can you say_ Why?

What became of how we became,
And then who knew__ I would try to be true to our love. I am so in this pain, that is so soft and pure,
Because, I still hope__ I have not made the final outcome.
Whatever comes has been a long time coming,
and I love the way you hold me,
because I am still here,
and the love of your heart is real.

I Love__ has become the circle of hope in my gain.
I roll with the reel of life and give everyday to my lot.
Knowing I am that one special hope of my heart,
because I only know how to love this way.
It is free, and so giving, and the delight,
I have for the soft reveal,
and the light of pleasing aires,
This gives us everything,
and the way of life_
becomes the instance of sweet sacrifice.

I am in my element and it grows in my heart,
even when I am away,
and all that has been,
will never be lost again.
It is all for you, and you should know
that our love opened me to the heart of being_
for the why that I became.

And then their was Rust, who thought a few steps and paces ahead the other day and gave of himself__ on to the page to work up a pattern of belief that is just right, But what is right__ that he trusts his heart and so with no subtraction he gives the start and the stop of the love that flows through him on that day and in this reveal. He__ flows not perfectly or without recompense, but only as __  jazz, fully on and in a place, that is always just ahead and into the thought that what depends on this__love__ is my heart and the love it has for you.

It begins::Out of the edges of prescription
The authenticated describer lives
Unbuttoning from...long sleeved silken shirt_undone.
After a long dry spell
He feels the rain of thoughts
pouring down_unaware of the
derivative factors of intent and substitution.

Nevertheless, The armchair coordinator
deems a certain desparation to control
No longer married to his further
degrees of delineation
He factors in his purpose and patrol.

He knows where he lives
They have come to receive
the sacrement of non-demeaning nature.
Sucre in the fruitful depths of the West.
Presence in the Halls of Reunion
has hastened the Declention
and Investment.

What___has come full circle?
Waiting is over.
The burden is not lifted.
It is heightened and held in great esteem.
Born to breathe the vision,
Tasks soon done.

No rehearsal now.
Breathing reality__final, first, and true.
Run, Ran, Running__Done.
No one can do what you do
The way you do it is__
Just, and and not just, but always you.

Thinking past the reasonable end.
When is time__ without peace.
Darkness comes, but not sleep.
Night shades on the sun. I give all of me to this,
and then it comes down to you. I can't explain.
The balance of me is you. I can't explain.

Over and over, I have come here and then walked away, because I can't explain why__I'm not that brave.
The great reveal of having so much love__just like you.
So what do you say if you hear me now.
Was I wrong to love the dream and forget__
What was real. It's all the same.
In the end it hard to explain the depths of the love that came.
Truth be told_ I can explain the whole of everything.

Anymore. It is all love and what isn't__
Is soon to become the Hoped for Wonder of Love.
There is No Hate Anymore.
I should write songs.
I've never said that, but words become the love,
that becomes_ from all our hopes and beauty,
and the love of loving you.

This thought. Depends__Deepens.
From loving you, I became real.

This is where the road runs off to somewhere,
where I will leave it.
I wrote:Lemmings on the run...Nice.
Listen with untoward distraction. Holding my place. Coming undone.
Visiting traffic driven outward.

Stop__ Go__ Stop Gap!
Nothing left to save.
Order and reunion saved.
Together as One
Falling over
one and the other
To get there first.

Needing substitution, at last
Assured of their goal.
Nothing this good can last.
Sweet boy, Don't lose faith.

Except, in the acts of love.
In the exchange of prayer.
When in belief and faith in
Something greater__
Than Ourselves.

Factored in the Truth of Life.

Love Assures Hope.

Hope Assures Faith.

And Faith Assures God.

Believed_ Knowledge_ Reveals

Who's Kingdom Comes?

Saves the disposition.

The long awaited factors.

Lost was__Not__What Is__

What is Real is Felt.
Hard on the chest.
The weight releases as
Belief begins.
Release resolves the
Solitude of Peace within.

The vibrancy of youth
Returns.
The unbelievable victory of faith.
Belief in the Prize.
All won on one day,
When in one second,one minute,one hour,one day,
As long as it takes.
All of the years that have gone by.
We can do what we have always __
Wondered_ why?

You choose to live.
Wholly and ably with
Strength and Hope and Love.
The wisdom of your own heart
Released.
Left to go to do.

What has to be done.
To remember.
The story of Heaven
and of Love.
Unbounding feelings of Hope
The gift to give
A Friend.
The Real You.
Unbound and Free
To Give.

Love Always.
Every Act of Faith
Is Love.
True Hearts
Dream.
You?

TR__2007