The undeserving nature of the non-sequiter. Sorry, folks, but I'm trying to enter through the out door. I've had so many exits, I can't decide to do the right thing and say what needs to be said about... Pick one reason why anyone would be hanging around for my loose stream of drivel. Am I disrespecting my product? I think in this moment, I'll just hang in and bring it on home, because I have cause and want to find the feel of the no-let-down feel of fueling the gun that gives this train it's soul. You have to understand, I am being very much distracted by a very demanding thirteen year old , who wants her parent's to watch her dance and I'm all for that, but at the expense of my missing the muse and never being able to climb aboard that train again? I will always contend, that without having something to say of some import, one is left high and dry with a certain ennui and we all know how that can affect one's flight of uncertainty, but I am certainly not ready to throw in the towel. Yet,as I have along way to go, because we are all I hope fans of each others challenges and we do get stronger and better each time we enter the zone. This is the break I have been looking for. I never played free-cell or first person shooter video games or any of the multiple generations of ipod/isnob. What a drag- I do detect envy in my tone . Not only can I not appreciate these additions to our culture, but in some ways, I would contend they have not added one wit of sense to the [end - game] - that is now in play . We're all playing for the cameras, whether on the highway, shopping, or at junior's baseball game, or at the mercy of various contending agencies of civil society. Even the various stars of our world are valued at a rate of how many times their name or number draws a hit to their factotum and cintilla of graphic pixels and gigabytes of image saturation. Once I can stream, I will get some real push and be demanding greater bandwidth to the 'cause and then the world better take notice, because I am humble and I am good and I do so love my mommy. Worth Wishes:Trust The Rust

There is still snow all around the place with lots of green winter grass with frost still on the ground from last night's open sky above. And I don't feel like going out to do the things around the place that need doing, because for now I feel just fine reading the blogs I've been to,today, and being and trying to get ready to try and try to do this... that I am at this moment doing and it will be okay and then it will have it's affect on my day and the effect will be that I didn't scare myself off and someday it will feel cool to be here ,because really we should all have a place to say at least part of who and what we are. I can see that inspite of this halting start, that I have begun to seek a real and lasting bond to the connection that this has become. I am doing three other blogs at other locations, but this is the one where I seem to have the easiest position. On the others I take what I am trying to do too seriously and they in turn have proved to be up in the air, as to there questions raised. And then that will all disappear,because I shall no longer fear any of that. I have had a wierd couple of weeks and I should just leave it at that and move on. No way can you take everything with you , but the essence of the intent should swell in your heart ,as the flame of love,that is the theme of every effort you make. I believe I have finally come home to writing ,because it has always been in me, even if I am average or less; it is still time to find a way to give my above average readers their just thoughts about what comes from my hands to their eyes. I'll be the Walmart of social conscience of the underskilled low wage worker which I am. I'll be my own self, because maybe I just lost my job or my kid got a DWI or I forgot someone's birthday. Maybe I was late to work three times this week and the boss didn't notice. Maybe I can make it four times next week...Maybe I'll never have a better job . Maybe I should just relax and wish and hope that "You" would find the time to do the same. "Looking in the eyes of love, I can see forever"- Thanks to Alison Krause and Union Station. The walkman was playing through headphones on the desk and I could barely hear it,but I heard that when I needed to. Like when I was watching Oprah Winfrey , yesterday, and she was talking about an after the show moment with Faith Hill when Oprah heard Faith warming up her voice before the show singing her favorite gospel song, " I Surrender All", which also turned out to be Oprah's. Her story about a time in her life ,when she turned it up and gave her further ahead,[beyond her control] to the Lord. She wanted to get , what became her break through acting part in the movie, "The Color Purple". She said she had done everything she thought she could do to effect that end, when she found herself singing, "I Surrender All"-crying for the love that held her and a very personal moment with her Savior and you would know that she believes it is all because of her Savior that she is in the position ,she is in, and then Faith Hill sang the song with her band right there and Oprah and everyone,Christian and other were were crying for such a surrender of all. Thats all for me for now. Love the call of being here and what will become. Trust the Rust

    As i was saying there are a lot of ways to skin a cat.  That is a peaceful small ' i ' you see,because somehow a very down human being held on for another week or at least until the calvary arrived. Not in the flesh ,but in the spirit of presenting myself to what I faced... I stepped back and took inventory and took control and called in a few  favoring thoughts that said to me - You are allowed to not succeed -even if your trying was only half -hearted and you wanted an outcome that was not to be yours; such as the car troubles I was having with my miracle 'wheels'... It was running...up until the day it's cooling system drove ol'Dixie down. Suddenly I was on the precipice of facing the 'no ride to work"zone" '; when the one's I could ride with were all off and I was looking quite reluctantly for substitute driving buddies, but miraculously family and neighbors came through and got me to the work ontime and the week was saved for me as far as fufilling my obligations of the transporting the teenager... Naturally, I am thankful and greatful for the wonderful buildup to the Thanksgiving weekend ,which is full of preparation and presentation.We hope and know that you 'all' are as well enjoying this special time of tradition and the rekindling of the events of  fall and the coming of winter.                                  So, look at that , I think I clicked into the mode I was looking for.  I've been in truth- heating and hating my failures this week, but I have also been relishing my new successes and this is definitely part of that. Life is not only reporting the vast wonder of what we like and love about our lives ,but also clarifying our passage as we go through  the waters 'of trial and errors' and not losing sight of the way that says- You did your best today and true it wasn't up to your usual standards , but you did O.K..  And tomorrow you can begin anew and be the best you -you can be and try again to get all those things done that need to get done , so the stress of not doing them 'in their own good tyme' will not be waying on you , so heavenly.
              Heavenly, in the sense, that I needed to pull  a bad week out of the fire and put it on the back burner. To put that bad-boy to rest and get on with the rest of your life and you will be just fine - That's the ticket.  I also needed to do this the day after our  "Turkey and  fixin's party " - came off without a hitch... and so this really is a note of thanks to all of the above  and referred to helpers in my life , who accepted me and promoted my dispensation to have an adequate week in the sense that nothing under my care rolled of the planet and I am now in God's mercy. Caring more in ways that will help me to understand- that nothing get's done without a reason or a plan .  My task is to commit to what  I  commit to- and follow through- and meet both a real deadline and what makes sense in the realm of possibility.  Not to be short on the end ,  but that's it- I got to go and say good night - which as we know is sacrosanct. For tonight- this has been this night. This ain't literaure we're building. Only a better world. Rustoleum forever. Trust the Rust.

To see, To say- That I have a thought -that is here to be- what it wants me to be or say- I cannot believe... that I would will control over to an unseen or understood force that is not of me, so this must be of my heart and mind and spirit,...so it is. And now I begin and not sure where to be ...I find that all is well today, as I would hope it also is with you. I had the day off and slept until a time after 10- very late for me, but I had slept on the couch last night ,so I feel or avail no bad thoughts toward anyone who would allow themselves the God given right to sleep in-even on their day off. I cleaned house and wondered why I have not gotten a reply from my son for the message I sent him, but he's it, and also I am covered with plenty of thoughts of things to do ,but it is 38 degrees and foggy grey today... 60 miles southeast of SEATTLE. God! ...Excuse me? I mean to say... Really I have things to do and I better get on it. I've been trying to get out of putting a new heater core in my vehicle- so now you know about my road conveyance. It is a well worn and used former police undercover car- In that it has all the residual mounts for their equipment. It has been a fine Crown Vic for 2 years, but now the list is getting longer and maybe it's just a good summer car, which seems to be... the last time it was really running well. Don't get me wrong. It's safe and sound, but this new fog machine business on cold days is really just about it. One day all is well and the next day were're driving with the windows down to equalize the cool wetness on either side of the windshield. This weekend - later - not now - that is my Project. My wife has had a very busy couple of weeks- her whole life has been busy. She plays free-cell . I'll do this. She is quite the lady and what a humorous writer. Right now her project is getting the 5 rat costumes ready for our local version of the 'Nutcracker'. These are worthy of Broadway or the Pacific Northwest Ballet production. She has spent a hundred hours or more on them. They will be worn by 5 adult dancers in the production... in the battle between the nutcracker prince and the toy soldiers and the rat king and his band or if another production-like last year... it was a mouse princess and her court ... He's trying to impress and protect Clare. My daughter loves the ballet and this school is very well run and their productions are top drawer ...even if on a small scale. It is a great time to be a part of something so exemplary and representative of what is right with the world. And that would be true anywhere in the world where folks keep their eyes on whether.. . Is this good for the children? I will say thank you for this sight-This SITE. It reminds me that I need to get outside before dark. Love you all- Who want to be- like me- understood and appreciated for our contributions and our steadfast belief that the world is not a bad place and where it is horrible and harming - we must bring gifts that expose these crimes and criminals- warring or thieving- to further examination and reduction. The truth will set you free. Trust the Rust cya

Love begins with but a single step and I have lots to give ,but not a lot of time and now that I have begun this night -looking at the keys as I go ,but working the old typing class patterns... learned so long ago,but never really used.  I am still not knowing in my heart why I might be doing this,but I am not about to give up, because I, like the Richard Gere character in   " Shall We Dance" ...Don't know what is missing -I just know that the passion is waning and I need to reach out in a feeling way- to find my connection with what is good about life. When all else fails the arts and the beauty of the exposed and vulnerable ,reckless and free ,seeking transmission is what gets you through the Night. I do this for my family so that I might be there in ways that I am not right now. I do the chores of life well. I have just lost my way as a gift giver and mentor to my children and wife ,because I have not a clue as to what I am doing anymore.I do life as rote and appear to enjoy it, because I want not to be a burden to anyone. I have read a lot of blogs... looking at why people do this -I only hope that whatever i do out here... It is only to be real and to get where it is... that I can see is where i need to be. Be that I am of sound mind and body I will hereafter believe that this is a perfectly fine occupation and that I will be welcome here in blog space ...even if i am the only one who ever reads me. cya copperhead