More than a month has passed and there are reasons why I have not been back, and now that I am over them and all is well.... at least in the sense that I am doing this again and all that doubt is probably still there ,but in the end -It really doesn't matter. I can do this and I was enjoying it until I made few strategic mistakes- Like thinking that it was cool and I really could write a literate,sensitive sort of prose that would not embarrass the family or the in- laws or whoever,so out the window went the rubrick of being old rusty. I told someone where I was so they could read me... thinking - They would say great- good on you - Go for it. It didn't turn out that way. It was like what was that. Although I must say - My Dad said, use it to get your chops up - Maybe You can go back to college and get a degree and a better job. He really didn't say that, but I imagined that he did , because he loves me - I have his name and I need to carry on the legacy of the great Pop. I love you Dad, and really right here I am just trying to stream a little consciousness reckoning. This is still not a thinking enterprise. I work in the midst of the distraction of the family stream that is flowing around and around and at this juncture ... We are not trying to scale the heights . I am just trying

There is a simple reason for this plea. It is that I have been having the trials and tribulations of a young cub and I want to grow up - soon. Right now, I am enjoying the delight my daughter is having talking about her friends. Her mom is delighted too, in the sense that she is tolerating this youngster's ... goofiness. It's gidiness -excited- youthful splender. Hope you got that. She is being annoying in a delightful way, but there is plenty of room for allowance and these evenings without the annoying tube are what is best in the world. We had gone to see her dance workshop's 'winter intensive' program. It was at the end of four days of training and dance comradery and she is very proud of what they have accomplished. It is the beginning of her desire to be a member of the company, which is 'the committment'. She wants to talk to her mom about being in company, but mom needs to step outside for the burning of a small glowing object, that delights her receptors- no end. Was that too insensitive? I feel that the criminalization of smoking in Washington state has gone too far. Where I work - there are signs by every door telling everyone 'to scowl' at anyone who is smoking within 25 feet of the door. Reporting the offenders has not been discussed yet, but I am thinking about posting 'no sex offenders allowed' signs, here and there, as a form of protest against the state's strident form of 'criminalizing' this the least of criminal offenses. Once they get their facial identification cameras up everywhere, you'll just get your ticket in the mail. I smoked for a time and I quit, but I just know for some- this is a huge stressful time, and we are all going to go through it together. The beast is political correctness. Just like our poisoned election of last year. One piece of crap flows into the next. Just get in line. It will be as hard to swallow, as the swollen gas and real estate prices, and it will go down about as well as the thematic discourse of the propaganda driven gear queers of the [movie]"crippled crack moutain" and there continuing assault on the sensitivities and sensibilities of an already stressed out generation. Keep your wanker in your pants and quit driving your paid to be gay agenda down every Tom, Dick and Harry. Get out of my face. Must-we?... the insensitive majority allow the disproportionate few to set the agenda and the climate of our day- I don't think so .... By allowing these thugs and criminals to take our personhood and rub it in the dirt,... until we cry and call our lawyers, so that they can continue to get the sustenance that feeds their crazed demand for more rot and ruin to this great land. Be still my heart - We are a great questioning mass of humanity. And in the sense, that the body politic is starting to rise up in the realization that this too is a part of the clash of civilizations... Meaning that the social terrorism of destruction and reverberation... is building a destructive current onto the underlying themes of our lives. Do?... We run in fear- from ourselves. If? ... We don't deal with the issues of the now "pro forma" ethical question of our time. When? Do we, each, take responsibility every day for the product and the projects of our lives, and are we beholden to our God for sustenance and verity in our rendition of the the one truth. That? God is love and the truth will set you free. Let me see . I've thrown in everything, but the kitchen sink. I am obviously not a "professional" social commentator, but that is where my wheel has brought me this night and in the spirit of having no fear... It will be okay and for all of the thousands, who have no idea "what or where" this is - even though, you are here, then may I wish you happy and healthy and holy thoughts in the hours and days ahead. We are always in the time of God's love. And God does love us, even though we don't always realize or appreciate God's patience. It is certain fortitude and the continuing flow of God's love that informs every righteous choice we make. Go now and make peace with your life and keep up appearances and return always to what you know to be the truth. That is the end of this for now or should I delete this as I have the last few nights. If it gets posted . It doesn't mean it's good-Just lucky. So be it+ Whatever happens. Go in peace. Trust the Rust,cya

Happy New Year- in any language... is so politically correct...{ Insert here }... I don't know why I made this weak effort at designing some vague offhanded reason to besmirche dear olde New Years'. Now for the rest of the story--- We all know that so much has been done to corrupt American culture and it's Constitutional underpinnings. Could be true...Maybe! American,Japanese and European sensibilities have led a quaking world out of the past into the future... which is world culture... which is not to say that all the world is not the conglomerate of all the world's peoples and religions, but it is true that this has been a century of advancement through the leadership of the U.S. and European and other kindred nations, which were not exactly welcomed in nations that were entertaining the tolitarian model of the USSR and The fascist states...mid-century and on. Now this deadly game with the terrorist networks around the world. They are... only of the most evil intention and have nothing to do with love or light or brave plans for a greater world where more people share the wealth of nations in a way that advances all to an ever growing advancement. My innocuous tone is to besmirche the U. N.'s small"e"[EFFORTS] in this arena. We are succeeding, even as certain parts, here and abroad, are claiming failure, because true to the nature of man... Bad choices always expose the weakest components of the best laid plans of mice and man. Now... I choose to escape to a happier place. This... has all the earmarks of a tract about what I always claim is the work best observed by experts- you know the people that know what's what. The Is of "isness". There industry may bring them prosperity, but it rarely is more than smoke and mirrors, so I drone on for just one more moment and then I end, because I can. Trust the Rust. Only because I started out with this monicur and I trust this alternative me... to try and be here for a reason other than not being true to the core truth of life. One should be of Love(like the ov-glove) so one can stand the heat of the fire... and express that purposeful design in service for no fee and hope that he is remunerated at a high enough rate to survive the trials and tribulations of accomplishing one's purpose here. All in all... May we all enjoy- A very Merry Christmas... And of course a very un-politically correct Happiest New Year. TTR.

That is in lieu of any real reason to correct my attitude. I have recently revealed my program and format to a few people and now maybe I should regret this event, but that too is part of making a go of this minor key to future plans, that have not yet revealed themselves, as I am not yet independently functioning as a pseudo journalist of my own choosing. I am still in the unconfident form of myself. I am ,yes, Fumbling about for my confidence and my creed or should I say credit. I will always maintain that I came to this as a fish to water . There is the invisible sense of being on display and still you are out there and it has a certain draw that contains the mystery of the moment. Because I am one who creates on the fly and maybe ...because I am a visual person... I see my coming to this as a quest to improve my certainty about how to fly and once I can fly I want to fly between where I am and where I want to go and then I want to have places I want to go see and then I want to have people and places in those locations that are on this itinerary of certain thought that is confident about the quest to find the reason why I would even develop the need to talk this way because as I do it more it may bother you dear readers who know me and even those who have no idea who I am. I am in the Christmas way. It is a great season. Now is the flow meter ,the odometer of love . the walk in the clouds and the loud sounds that surround the one that is here and there is rain and sun and clouds and a loud trembling sound that resounds and winds along the river and the river is a rhythm that attracts... the saying that is slowly winding in and out of here,... this place is thick with core elements of the themes that resound throughout the universe and the moves that throw it out of bounds and now you can say that you have experienced the love of the raga and it has you, too in it's throws... and the wonder of the elements are here and George is one with the Gandhi man and India is the land of the future and it will be revealed as to the mathematical reason why it will never be china ,because they can not do there destiny with love , only war and there they will end and I am done ,too. Nothing here. Remember at your own discretion ,that all is fiction here and an exercise in love of individual letters and not the words that appear to be saying... I am not here . I am here,but am I? All is in fun and frolic and the flow of face and thought and mind and soul and family is a run at the surf or surface of what reveals itself in the tone and drama of discovery. Blonde bomb -shell. Not a person, but the aggregate of a dimension of consciousness. Be... I may be another crazy comedian and this is all about that person that rolls cigarettes for the homeless guys under the bridge. They smoke, because the smoke gets them high, although not very high off the ground. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Last breath. Pinky Lives

I get it and I want to be here and I feel good about all that lies ahead and I will discover my purpose through the course I have taken. Everything is always available. It just takes belief and service to the cause of that belief, that is believed by you in your deepest depths. Thy name is the pearl of the eye. the storm of love. the true depth of bond. one belief and sound in mind. Giving outward progress to the strength of this enterprise. Amazing that our language English uses only 26 letters to say everything. This has the look of a free form of soul searching that is somewhat non-committal in intention, because I am somewhat distracted by the rest of the household ,which is bounding around in all of it's cycles. Daughter on phone talking to friend, cracking open the Christmas trunk and my wife is watching "The Apprentice". And we have been cleaning house , dishes and laundry, and doing our daily wage earning tasks, so that we might relax and follow the progress of all the contestants on reality tv. You better believe it . I am committed to all of our American Idols. We are the world. Even if the emulation of the moonwalker has been relegated to the closet...What it is. That it will eventually prove to be my strength - that I can serve up the disconnectedness of the dispossession of existence to mean a thing that is tangible in a context that is understandable in a way that is inclusive to all of our service. The What that is All. I love you. I love you. I say that because it is my cause to see the beauty of the return to truth and beauty is truth and I want What is to be seen and to see what is, as it is meant to be seen. My service is not to grab your sensibilities and instruct you, because I, like you, have a very busy life . Ideally any part of what you might catch in the skim will encourage a further patrol of the intent. This is a slippery slope, but I reveal nothing about what lies behind the secret of my success, that doesn't lie in you. We are all outsourcing the divine intention that we would find The love that is God's love ...an intention that we love each other without ending. This is not an esoteric hole and my intention is not to attract attention to the mission that is mine as I see it. I am not not this. It is just that I must be the continual discovery of the feel of the plane of essence that is available. It feels as though I can go beyond the embarrassment of riches, that would see me succeeding as just being who I am and being accepted for what that is . I would hope and expect nothing less for you, dear reader. Oops! ,no one got this far. Better here than in a notebook. I used to write a lot, but his is the first in 15 years. At least the effects of growing up have worn off. There are other things I could do, but this has a certain resonance and I can't stop. Tell me to stop. Officer ,Please tell me to step out of the vehicle and do the perp walk. Believe me I am not the one you are looking for. Gotta go. After that I don't know. That may be all. Trust the Rust