So That Is a Start... A Way of Saying I am Me.
I want to be Here, but I keep running away.
But for now, I will be waiting and scheming.
I am not much for trying. Success is relative.

The window of this opportunity is a long way off and I am the only one, who can bring me into focus. I am distracted by the usual need to feed on other things. It is the day before Halloween and our fourteen year old wants to be a dinosaur, but she had better think about staying warm, because tomorrow is going to be in the low twenties at candy time. Suffer the little ones if they don't get sensible and just dress warmly. I remember a few years ago when it was so cold and I couldn't believe the kids were out there in almost nothing...including our own.

As for me I am departing for this night to watch a show on TV./Like I said nothing much gets done...when you are a servant of the Tube. I'm not a goner, but the show I want to see... has character. It is called Friday Night Lights. I am kookoo for coco puffs. I'm out. Good day!Trust me...I am very Rusty!cya

That leaves room for some truth. I plan on continuing in this vein, at least until I finally run down the voice of the day. I will be off my spot if I don't find a better way to start. At this point, I can't seem to locate the address of my brain. The part that has minimal responsibility for where I find myself thinks it is futile to exceed the mark of the previous efforts. I have got to raise my game. At this point, it seems as though, I am intent on disappointing my few readers, who will no doubt take me off the list of drop-bys. I must begin to identify my interest in other blogs, which I read quite often. I need to let them know, how much, I appreciate their view of the world. For the most part, I am the only one, who comes here.

This is an underwater piece and I am without a song. Their is no view. I am full of emptiness. It is a bird tied to a tree. A fish up on the rocks. Last time I went out to dinner. I didn't know what to eat. Life is a happy flow of choices, if you choose to be happy. I want to move quickly and get to where I want to go. This is not a big surprise. This is just a phase, I am going thru. I will hang on and learn the method that makes my efforts meaningful. Whatever it takes to do this. I will find the way.

For years, I was a writer of journals and flash prose and poetry in notebooks and that was really my medium, as far as comfort, but I want to learn to compose on the typewriter, because then I can upload to the computer. Actually, I am typing this on the keyboard of a computer,duh!

The apple does not fall too far from the tree. I had a very full day at work. I really wish, that I was able to share the challenges of trying to grow human interactions and actions in/to a reasonable parade of results. Everyday we run the basic game plan for a boy or a girl, who is missing the greater part of intelligence and in a most admirable way, somehow we, all, accomplish some small miracles...all the while... trying to entertain and enjoy the life of being...within the whole fabric of this life. It is a world without recognition of the effects of the outside world, even though the workers, of course, bring their baggage and joys to work. We engender the best outcomes that we can...trying to be the best that we can in every moment. The predictable is under our control. The other outcomes, sometimes are quite amazing. All in all, It is back at it tomorrow, so I must go for now and I suspect this will only be another pebble in the pool for me, but I am better for being here. I will not give back the key to me. I am home for good. For whatever reason... This is what I am. Forever. All the right reasons are the right choices for choosing to be me. Who the heck else could I be? Trust the Rust,cya.

   My name is Rusty. Let's say it really is Rusty. Like I would really give my real name. Oh! Excuse me, I was going to expound on rocks. This is a subject dear to my heart and concrete enough that I won't be riffing on the wind with a full head of steam, talking down or up on subjects, that give me the fits, because I feel not yet able to expound on differences of conjecture that this world foists on all of us, everyday.

        As to rocks... I am certain of these, because you could say... I handle them quite often. They are not my work, but when at home and not having the inspiration to start a new project- I will go outside and play with my rocks . Our earth that we bought or should I say that the  bank is holding for us while we make payments...Is loaded with the multiple varieties:  river rocks...like stones and gravel and  boulders. It is what they call glacial moraine and it was left when the glaciers at the feet of Mount Rainier receded a billion years ago or six days  ago depending on one's point of view.

       Someday, I will grace these pages with a kind of poetry . It takes an inspired moment, but I feel so good about getting back to writing, that I believe I will return to all forms and  functions.  Really we're in pretty  good shape as far as that goes. 

        It's Sunday evening and the family; My wife and daughter are occupied with reading, while watching a Sunday cop show. Actually the younger is on the phone with her friend, who went to the mall today. Oh! They went together with  my wife. Wierd how I skipped by that. She also stayed overnight. They are best friends and both in the eigth grade.  I talked to my Mom and  Dad today. Our son, 26, was over for dinner... a nice visit. I am very stark tonight and not interested in rocks at all. I had enough of rocks I guess. These are kind of like rocks. Heavy inanimate objects signifying nothing, but marking time sitting on the earth waiting to be picked up or left alone. Either way they will still be rocks.

       Finally the rock theme is a true dimension of my existence in this place . Right now I am working on finishing a circular driveway out of river rock or glacial moraine rock. I know my rocks. I just don't know the common nomenclature for rocks or stone. I've done paths and walls and also my rock stacks, which are very zen like in their presence... piling and balancing single rocks- one upon the other- up to four feet high.

     So that about does it. I slept in today and missed all the Sunday talk shows. I really didn't want to celebrate with the usual blatherers  about how all things bad are President Bush's fault.  Another late developing scandal to reset the clock and put us back on the wrong track again. When will this country ever get back it's will.  Not the fascist form, but the willingness to sacrifice personal  misgivings and support the best efforts of the government in power.   It's seems that we're constantly throwing out the baby with the bath water.

         This next election will be another dirty mess and I for one am sick of going down this road everytime. It's no better than surviving a car wreck, but they call it leadership and government and  we have newscasters who call the rise and fall of the latest poll as though we live our lives by polling or taking the temperature of the day. Let's live our lives and be as happy as we can and be grateful. I'm honored to know that I can write something everyday and that I care about you all of my friends and family and anyone that I come into contact with will have my genuine attention. I do care. That is my Model. Love you All. Goodnight,  Trust the Rust,cya.

My love must be some kind of blind love. Jamie Cullum is play in my headphones . The family: ... My wife Maggie has just gone to bed. She'll be up early. One appointment after another, tomorrow. And then they had to throw in a mandatory meeting at the medical clinic, where she works. It's her day off...not fair I say! I'm glad there is you. Stolen moments of underated treasures. I live to love. I love to live. I'll muddle through with you.

I see a trend here. On this momentary tread of a stair to there, I have found a measure of perspective. I am dying to find the measure of this man. He has so many times thought that he had something to say, but then with the keyboard tech - He has yet to guide it into the flow of finding a rhythm. Jonah lived in the whale - J.Cullum groove on my shoulder.

Word up... my son Daniel, the Jazz musician, told me while driving back from Vancouver today, that Jamie Cullum is a fake with a losey voice. I was taken aback. He was not happy with me...being taken in by a charlatan. Cell phones and the highway life. Tonight Dan is driving back to Bellingham to play a gig at The Boundary Bay Inn. He's in Seattle to move some of his stuff back to his new digs in Bellingham, just south of the border. He's been playing on cruise ships for the last few years. He is ready for some land based solace. This gig is with some great local jazz artists. He is a jazz guitarist. I am proud of him... True. But our other boys are doing great as well. Am I allowed to speak of them without their permission. That sounds wierd, but I don't know if they want their personal accounts to be discussed by their step dad. They've just recently taken possession of the older boy's first home . The younger is renting from the older. Let's write in the third person...one removed. I am very uncomfortable not knowing what they would want. I know the state doesn't want me talking about my work. I am so good at that I never speak of it. I took them literally.

So this disaffected nonsense has creeped into my sensibilities. I want to be real...and all things are real to me, So next time I will throw out the names of the unnamed and moved forward toward the recovered life.

I feel... I have been here enough tonight, and that I will continue to come back. I have a google search to do before I go to bed. An MIT astrophysicist/Nasa/Mars project mgr., who is also an award winning writer of novels and short stories. Another Isaac Azimov. I'll check it out and get back to you.

Not to be foregotten by any means is our fourteen year old daughter,who wants to sleep in tomorrow. She has an orthodontist appointment at 8:30 and only a month more of the braces. She wants to do everything and is thriving. College is on her mind. Dance and music /trumpet and friends and all the great things of being a newly minted teenager. Life is an emotion... You know!

So for tonight I am sailing away. Trust the Rust,cya.